Writing A eulogy… I thought… How do I summarize my mom’s life in a way that respects her, celebrates her and gives us all the space and grace to process our grief … together. She would be so uncomfortable with this. She never liked being the center of attention. But I like to think … she’s standing right here next to me, smiling, encouraging me all the way, like she always used to.
Thank you for being with us today, to celebrate the life of a remarkable woman, my mother Judy.
I wanted to start by sharing what I think to be “nuggets of goodness” about my mom. It is my hope that these bring you warmth and reflection on the special gifts she shared and lessons she taught us all.
My mom loved gardening.
In fact, she took great pride in her nursery and her flowers. And even more, she loved sharing them with her community. A garden, much like other living things, requires patient labor and special attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone put love, effort, time and attention on them. I think that gardening offered my mom a calm, peaceful place to reflect, grow, and nurture. A way to leave this place – and people’s lives – a little more special than it was before. My mom was a gifted gardener. Her dedication and love for it is the very reason why every time I smell lilac or see a sunflower that I’m instantly transported to an image of my sweet momma digging her hands in the soil, laughing and being free.
My mom was also an avid reader.
I mean an entire-book-in-one-sitting kind of reader. She read everything, literary novels, biographies, short stories, and yes, romance novels. You know, the ones where Fabio’s magnificent hair graced the covers?! Wherever she went, she had a book in her hand and she seized any opportunity to open it and escape to a place where she could explore, learn, imagine, believe – and sometimes transform into someone else. I believe it is through reading – and the characters within the stories – that my mom developed her gift of empathy. Relating to other people, no matter what their background. Understanding the situation from another person’s perspective – even if she didn’t hold the same beliefs. I think my mom’s love of the written word is what guided my passion towards writing. Lifting spirits and healing souls through words, understanding a different perspective. Thanks for igniting that passion in me, mom.
My mom had strong faith and beliefs.
In fact, her childhood dream was to become a nun. She went to St Joe’s here in Keene, she worshipped and got married in this very church. Then, she met my dad! The love of her life, Clovis. The handsome, funny man that swept her off her feet and gave her a glimpse into another world, one she never even considered. A seed of hope that was planted, a love that was nurtured, and a life that was cultivated by these loving hands for nearly 60 years. It’s beautiful. It’s built on loyalty, trust, respect, responsibility, love and a whole lot of laughter. She lived and breathed these things every single day and it helped infuse these traits in us, not only her children and her grandchildren but every single person in this room and beyond. Yes, we joke often about my dad stealing her from the church… but she carried on her faith and it’s values in different ways. She cultivated a sacred space for us to thrive, to be the best versions of ourselves, to be humble and kind, resourceful, to give back and pay it forward. This was her legacy and it lives on through us all.
My mother loved family.
And she often felt most at ease when surrounded by them. From early days with her mom, her memere, her brother, and her sister on Park Ave, she learned the importance of taking care of and being there for those you love, no matter what.
My mom was so proud of her children. She spent early days as a stay at home mom, then once I started school, she went back to work part time. Once we became more independent she embarked on her 25-year career at Genesis. She put her heart and soul into that job. Her compassion and sincerity bringing ease and peace to every family she touched. While my mom worked, she always balanced family time. She was ALWAYS present. Showed up at all our games, coordinated family camping trips, took us on long drives around New England, led our 4H troop. But she also let us explore freely with one rule, be home every night for dinner. We were carefree, inquisitive, some would say wild…but she kept us grounded and humble.
Mom was so proud to be a memere! Surrounded by all her boys. She was their biggest cheerleader, they were her world. Zach, Kevin, Ryan, Hudson, Foster, Porter, Ledger, Willem, and Max …she loved you with all of her heart, she celebrated your accomplishments, she lifted you up in prayer, even when she couldn’t communicate, she wrapped herself up in this blanket and embraced you every single day with love. She’s with you always…in your dreams, in the smell of the flowers, in the songs of the hummingbirds that visit your window. Remember that.
My mom’s love extended beyond blood. Everyone felt like a part of our family. She had an open door policy, loved and accepted our friends. No matter what. No judgement. Every Sunday you could find loads of teenagers overflowing the dining room feasting on her meals, sitting in the living room sharing our stories from the night before. Boy did laughter fill our walls!. Hers was the best. The ease in which she grew and nurtured love all around her. It was something beautiful.
Her final moments here were .. in her own way … actually beautiful and gentle and generous. Each one of us getting special time with her.
For me… i remember the moments so clearly. I kissed her goodbye—with my eyes full of tears—I held her hand and promised her that I would be OK, and that we would all be OK. And that we would take care of each other, of my dad, and all the kids. I told her that we had her strength. And I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for filling my life with the greatest gifts a daughter could ever possibly receive from a mother. And, finally, I asked her to please come visit me … in our special places. In the garden, where the scent of flowers tickles our noses, the characters in books come to life, words of wisdom are whispered in the wind, birds sing their beautiful songs, laughter fills the air, and rest comes peacefully, uninterrupted.
I know she’ll answer that prayer; until then, be at peace, sweet momma. May god bless you, always. Love you more.
Love You More 