Birds

The last time I spoke to my mom, I told her I was ready to let her go, but not ready to lose her. I asked (ok, begged!) her if she could, to please come find me in some of our favorite places and give me signs that she’s still here with me. In the gardens, at the beach, in the silent spaces of  reflection (a walk, writing or fading into a good book). 

I remember her services at the church so clearly – my mind focused on sharing stories of her love, her passions, her kindness. I was determined to find the strength deep down inside not to crumble, but to honor her and celebrate her. 

Accomplished. 

But once I got into the car to begin the journey to the cemetery, I feared I may have missed signs of her being near.  I recall after her services feeling a sense of emptiness that I thought might not have been so vast if I had just seen signs of her near me.  When I expressed this to a few people, each shared very specific observations with me.

1. (1) An Alzheimer’s walk where groups of supporters walked in unison and hope right past the church where we gathered to celebrate my mom; (2) the group of 3 birds that circled the plot as we drove up and slowly glided away as we put her to rest; (3) when the dreary clouds that had cast shadows over us most of the morning broke free to reveal blue skies and sunshine upon us as we gathered at the Pub with family and friends.

Fast forward …

It’s been three  months since my mom’s passing.without giving too much away, I was on a site visit in let’s just say a very beautiful location surrounded by sandy beaches, lavish rooms, lush gardens, and incredible hospitality. From the farm-to-table inspired dinner in the garden next to a greenhouse that produced a majority of ingredients for the resort’s dining experience, to the flowers that bloomed and cast sweet aromas throughout the property, to the kindness and gratitude from every single person that treated me like a queen. Over the past three days, I felt my mother everywhere. I mean, everywhere.

On my final day there as I floated in the pool thinking of the past few months, all the unexpected challenges, the loss, the grief … a warm breeze swept over me,  quickly followed by head-to-toe goosebumps. With the  water gently rippling over me, I slowly opened my eyes to the blue heavens above and saw three birds gliding above me … circling so delicately for what seemed like an eternity. I smiled as tears rolled down my cheeks and I whispered “love you more.” Then several other birds approached and in immediate response, they all glided away in unison towards the sea. 

I closed my eyes again and the melody of a song that I always sing to my boys filled my memory bank…”This is my message to you…ooo…ooo… Don’t worry about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright…”. 

For the first time in a while, I believe those words more than ever.